Mason Says

(Blog Note: This originally posted September 16, 2009. It's one of my favorites. And since my readership has grown significantly since then, I thought I'd run this one again.)

Show me a man who still uses the word "coochie" and I'll show you a man that hasn't hit refresh on his sex glossary in the last twenty years. I'll also show you a colleague of mine. More on him in a minute. Bottom line men - the word "coochie" should be cleared from the hard drive. Clean out your cache, move files to the recycle bin, execute a memory dump, defrag....something. But as bizarre as hearing a grown man still use the word "coochie", it pales in comparison to the actual context in which I heard it used recently by my unidentified colleague. Here is the scene. We were approaching our gate at Laguardia when he hit me with an off-color remark about a woman who appeared to be gay.
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Continued: As she walked past us strutting her lesbianism minding her business, the comment was intimated that "coochie is a terrible thing to waste". At the risk of wasting of time, I immediately said to him someone is enjoying it I'm sure. And if it's not you, why are you concerned? I've never really understood that part of the male psyche that gets insecure and weird-ed out by the idea that a woman has no interest in our kind. Reality is even if she was straight, chances are she wouldn't give either one of us the time of day anyway. Guys, if you want to hang on to your homophobia, leave it tucked away in your Bible. It's safe there. Out here, however, among those of us who choose not to cherry-pick scripture, we rather not listen to you wax homophobic about "coochies", "dykes", "fags" or anything else. Let's upgrade the dialogue. One


The Takeaways:

1.) Lesbian sightings are not the same as UFO sightings. You should act like you've seen one before because you have. Color commentary isn't required nor requested.

2.) Make a list of all the gender-specific slurs and crass sex terminology that was popular with you and your friends during your puberty years. Then remind yourself that you are now a grown-ass-man as you burn that list.