Mason Says

Blog Note: This is a sneak preview of a post set to be rolled out on the Black Voices homepage on Monday.

Last week, single black women were ushered into the new year by an ABC News report that suggested "finding the right man is proving elusive." The segment, which aired on 'Nightline,' predictably framed the issue by asking "are the standards of black women too high or are the pickings too slim?" It's not exactly an original question.

The proposition has been repackaged time and time again. It's damaged goods at this point.
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In keeping with the year-end tradition of popular culture, I decided that I too will do a best of 2009 list. My first instinct was to locate the past 12 months in my rear view mirror and keep it moving. But after several days of contemplation, I decided to entertain myself, and hopefully others, by rolling out my top ten takeaways for the year-that-was at Mason Says. Click Here to See the List

Note: the list is ordered from oldest to most recent.

1. Lesbian sightings are not the same as UFO sightings. You should act like you've seen one before because you have. Color commentary isn't required nor requested.
from "Memo to Men About Lesbians"


2. Don't date anyone who chooses to re-name herself after a drink. Right there, that eliminates one third of the stripper population. I know they are deserving of love too but use your head.
from Domestic Violence Attire...Way to Go America


3. Never wear anything that glitters - regardless of your sexual orientation. That is a clear and present danger to your ability to refer to yourself as a grown man, not even if it's a Halloween party and you decide to roll as Rick James. Not a good look.
from "Memo to Men About Dance Competitions"


4. When you find yourself at a wedding reception or a company holiday party and you hear "I Feel Good" by James Brown, you resist the urge to dance no matter how hard it may be. Sit down and remain seated for the duration of the song. Just do it. No one in the last 25 years, including James Brown himself in his later years, has ever walked away from that experience looking respectable. Granted, it has an infectious sound but trying to dance to it is not a good idea. For some reason, it makes every man want to do some ill-advised one-legged floor slide. Yeah, you know the one. If you watched that clip, you saw that it only took Michael Irvin 17 seconds before he went there. Don't tempt yourself.
also from "Memo to Men About Dance Competitions"


5. If your wife or girlfriend says "I like your tighty whities", you should think about replacing her too while you're out shopping for your new fitted boxers. Any woman, who finds herself even remotely aroused when you emerge from the bathroom in your man panties, has clearly taken unconditional love too far. You want someone who has both standards and style, as she should want in you. from
from "Man in the Land Down Under (Part One)"


6. Principles are like penises. All men should have both, because a man who doesn't stand against anything will fall for everything.
from "Commerce of the Heart. Don't Get Taken"


7. Men don't care about breast size nearly as much as women, themselves, care about breast size. Frankly, the only size that we really obsess about is our own, ironically, thanks to women.
from "Why Bigger Isn't Always Better"


8. What I'm really saying is, avoid the chain restaurants (for her birthday). Just because it doesn't have a drive-thru with people working it, who can't figure out their ass from their face, let alone your order, doesn't mean it's acceptable. If for some unimaginable reason you're not sure if it's a chain or not, ask yourself if there is a Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy or a full scale shopping mall on the adjacent corner. Another indicator is whether or not the wait staff is encouraged to wear hats and/or visible suspenders. If so, that's a deal breaker.
from "Appleplease! Do Not Take Her There For Her Birthday"


9. The metro-savvy man never wears a suit with more than three buttons and really prefers two. He's also too busy to explain it because he has moves to make; outpacing his 5 button suit wearing competitor, who's busy still buttoning his coat. The metro-savvy man will stop for a second, however, to share with his shorter brethren that the fewer buttons a jacket has the longer the lapels, which make one look less vertically challenged. Conversely, he will tell Big Pimpin' that the more buttons a suit has the more you're at risk of being confused as a replacement member of The Whispers.
from "Five Things About Metro-Savvy Men"

10. The Bush administration was comprised of well educated idiots. And the Obama administration is coming dangerously close to crashing through that thin ice of White House idiocy themselves. For the last time, terrorists don't wear bow ties. In fact, the daily intelligence reports should show that they don't sport any neck wear. When was the last time we've seen an ascot-wearing terrorist? Exactly. Scratch those cats off the watch-list.
from "Real Terrorists Don't Wear Bow Ties"





We'll see what next year brings. One

I can't focus right now. Despite having volumes of notes and ideas, I'm unable to synthesize my thoughts at the moment. Maybe it's a holiday hang over. Maybe it's just part of the normal ebb and flow of writing and I don't recognize the symptoms. As a rule, I almost always post on Mondays, but today will be an exception. Give me a day to lock-in. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for all the spoken and unspoken support. It's deeply appreciated. See you tomorrow afternoon. One

(Note: This must be Malcolm X week at Mason Says as this is my second post in three days where I've dropped a reference.)

In 1982, a bestselling book entitled Real Men Don't Eat Quiche hit the bookshelves. In 2001, nearly twenty years later, two planes hit the Twin Towers. Perhaps it's warped of me, but it's these two completely unrelated events that led to the title of this post, "Real Terrorists Don't Wear Bow Ties". Let me try to make sense of this. In 2007, under the Bush administration, a report named...
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Continued: In 2007, under the Bush administration, a report named "Nation of Islam: Uncertain Leadership Succession Poses Risk" was created by The Department of Homeland Security (DHS). In it were concerns were raised that the Nation of Islam (NOI) may be an internal terrorist threat to the homeland. Is anyone surprised that the same administration of Keystone Cops that let Osama bin Laden escape several times in the mountains of Afghanistan (after having him surrounded) would place the NOI under the microscope? It's like being up by one and watching LeBron James come down the lane with seconds left and deciding to switch off to go double team Daniel "Boobie" Gibson in the outside corner. Brilliant.

Fast forward to 2009: the Obama administration released the report last Wednesday (12/16) in accordance with a Freedom of Information Act request filed by the American Civil Liberties Union. A DHS spokesperson acknowledges the report "unintentionally and inadvertently" violated rules governing the collection, retention and distribution of information on U.S. citizens and organizations. First time for everything. Old habits die hard. The official goes on to say "the intelligence on the Nation of Islam should not have been written. The organization despite its highly volatile and extreme rhetoric has neither advocated violence nor engaged in violence."

Good. I'm glad we have that settled. I'm pretty sure that the Department of Homeland Security has better things to do with their time like confiscating my toothpaste at the airport. (Come another step closer and I swear to God Allah I will squeeze off some of this mint stripe Colgate gel all over this conveyor belt.) As usual, I digress.

Men will be men. Some will act a fool (terrorists), some will articulate a fool (black Republicans) and others, like myself, will avoid a fool. I'm not sure where the NOI fits in, but I'm positive they're not acting a fool and, therefore, they pose no terrorist threat to the country. Louis Farrakhan led one million of his followers and other black men to the nation's capital (I was there) in 1995 and the only thing that blew up was a port-o-let thanks to the Minister from the Memphis Mosque #55. It's consistent with what everyone knows. We're all aware, including its worse critics, that the NOI is well dressed, well mannered and well behaved; every day is Sunday school with moma sitting right upstairs.

Besides, "Real Terrorists Don't Wear Bow ties" to get back to the title of this post. Minus the occasional formal affair, let me tell you who wears bow ties: harmless American Muslims practicing an off-brand form of Islam, Diddy when he's on set to film a commercial, pretentious professors and intellectuals, eccentric hip hop stars, Michael Steele (nuff said), Bruce Bowen (video below) and men who are trying too hard to be like one of the above. Nowhere on the list are terrorists. Show me a terrorist wearing a bow tie and I'll show you a black woman who says she slept with Tiger Woods in this lifetime. They are hard as hell, if not impossible, to find; this is what I'm saying.

Look, I've made no secret that I'm not a fan of bow ties. I'll spare you a retread of that rant, as I've posted about it before. And I realize that I'm not alone on this one, as a lot of men share my angst about this peculiar form of neck wear. However, as I did some brief research and ruminating for this post, it dawned on me that Malcolm X (before, during and after his NOI days) also didn't care for the bow tie. Search Google images or anywhere else for photos of Malcolm in a bow tie. I found only one and it looks like it's a wedding, as the bow tie is white. This cat was not on it, despite what Elijah and the others (including Louis) were rocking. Could this be the little known truth as to why he was really pushed out of the Nation? Not only did Malcolm develop a bigger and broader worldview, he developed better fashion sense. Check out these photos of Malcolm X in those skinny GQ ties that are currently in style again. Just something to think about. One


The Takeaways:

1.) If you're a family member or friend of mine and you buy me a bow tie for Christmas, you run the risk of being smacked with it and sent back to the gates of fashion purgatory (or Brooks Brother) to return it.

2.) I've stated it before: if you must rock the bow tie, I strongly suggest that as soon as you can,
undo it and let it hang loose in that end-of-the-night unfastened Rat Pack style. Put down the Bud Light while you're at it and pick up a glass of single malt Scotch, the "nectar of the Gods", as Max Reddick, a fellow blogger, put it to me on Twitter.

3.) The Bush administration was comprised of well educated idiots. And the Obama administration is coming dangerously close to crashing through that thin ice of White House idiocy themselves. For the last time, terrorists don't wear bow ties. In fact, the daily intelligence reports should show that they don't sport any neck wear. When was the last time we've seen an ascot-wearing terrorist? Exactly. Scratch those cats off the watch-list.


Related post: Politics and Fashion Make Strange Bed Fellows

Related post: Diddy Shows Us How to Rock the Bow Tie

Los Angeles Times article on Nation of Islam and Homeland Security


This is a clip from yesterday (12/22) of Bruce Bowen, formerly of the San Antonio Spurs, now doing NBA analysis for ESPN. Is he going to break down some game tape or break down the recipe for a bean pie? Dammit Bruce! Roll Tape.



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Game show question: for what magazine did Alex Haley interview Malcolm X in 1963? Look into the studio audience and you'll see your family jumping up and down imploring you to say Ebony or Jet to which others at home will indecisively affirm "good answer, good answer". Which one is it you're pondering, but not to worry because both Ebony and Jet will be met with a resoundingly obnoxious game show buzzer and the words "next contestant". The correct answer would be Playboy, as in the iconic bunny ears. And it’s that interview in that very magazine which lead to a continued collaboration between the two aforementioned men that ultimately produced The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Yes, Playboy.

While he pales in comparison as far as social significance goes and I'm not sure that an autobiography is following, Sean “Diddy” Combs happens to be the featured interview in this month's Playboy. I first learned of this when I read the teaser for it in last month's issue. Yes, I'm that guy who reads Playboy for the articles.

To be sure, there are guys... Click Here to Finish Reading

Continued: To be sure, there are guys who look at Playboy and there are guys who read Playboy. I happen to be in the latter category with some occasional overlap. In this day and age, who really needs Playboy or any other magazine for the pictures? For most of my adult life, the internet has been available and pipe-lining right into my home, unfiltered and uninterrupted, except when I’d routinely get knocked off line by an incoming call to which I would shake my fist at the internet gods and curse dial up service and that annoying sound it made every time it re-connected.

My point is, if I want to view unclad women, I don’t wait for the mailman to deliver the new copy of Playboy so I can plow through copious amounts of editorial content in order to arrive at a few pages of excessively airbrushed women. The fact that they nauseatingly almost always fit the Scandinavian profile/preference of Hugh Hefner doesn't help. I'll pass on the pictorials.

Back to the point of this piece. In my mind, the Playboy interview is unmatched. It's where men who have reached the pinnacle of prominence and popularity, in their respective fields, come to purge. Unlike your garden variety interviews in other magazines, Playboy is serious about it. They provide the space and word count to delve. Research is done, the Q&A ensues and the regrets are few as most subjects know exactly what they're getting into when they agree to the interview. There is a certain level of success that few men ever attain that allows them to open up the unfiltered tap and flow in such a honest way. While most men float aimlessly at sea hoping our vulnerabilities and insecurities go undiscovered, these guys are anchored in their accomplishments and self-assuredness, allowing them to pull back the curtain. It's almost an act of exhibitionism, which is consistent with the narcissism that often fuels their success.

And the world couldn't have delivered Playboy a bigger ego and, equally, fascinating character than Diddy. As I read the interview this morning, it occurred to me that possibly everything Diddy has done, good and bad, were just requisite deeds and doings, in order to have this moment. As you read his sometimes surprisingly candid comments about his life and lifestyle, you can't help but think he is savoring every question and upping the ante with each answer. He openly discusses 30 hour tantric sex sessions, his love of being overseas, wanting President Obama to adopt him, his 48 hour stint as "the corniest drug dealer of all time", Michael Jackson crashing one of his parties to meet Beyonce, obsessive teenage masturbation, porn, Biggie's death, therapy, acting, his father's death, people's perception of him, being 40, how Steve Jobs is "one of the baddest motherfuckers on earth" (that's what he said), to being dumped by a well known A-list actress whom he won't reveal and it's not Jennifer Lopez. It's dizzying. In fact the interviewer, who has quizzed him twice before for different publications, leads into the piece with the following:

Puffy (usually) tricks you into believing he’s giving you the holy-grail scoop. It’s his charm, his hustle. But when he called me asking if I was getting everything I needed, I knew he was in a different space. We met three times: ‘I want to make this interview special, make this epic,’ he told me.

Epic may be a reach but he certainly makes it clear that he's the epicenter of all things superficially entertaining and enviable. I guess what I'm saying is Diddy's life appears to be one big guilty pleasure. Check it out for yourself. I've provided the link. One

Diddy's Playboy interview

The Takeaways:

1.) I'm talking about Playboy Magazine. Yes, there are a few pages of nude women inside. Get over it. There are also great articles, commentary, and interviews, that in my mind, minus the cover, completely overshadow the more adult aspects of the magazine. For the love of God, I'm not talking about 'skin mags' like Buttman, Naughty Neighbors, or Midget Mayhem. (Note: I did some research on Wikipedia.)

2.) Men, subscribe to magazines. I receive several. I devour them upon delivery in search of ideas, inspiration and intelligence. I usually find what I'm looking for. I believe it makes me a more interesting and well read person. Playboy just happens to be the only one that contains nudity and I don't apologize for it. It's not my style to being sheepish or repressed. It shouldn't be yours either.

3.) Women, reach back to Takeaway #1 and get a grip. With that said, go ahead and get him a Playboy subscription for Christmas. If it's repressing his instinct to look at young nubile naked women that you're worried about, I suggest you cease delivery of broadband internet into your household. Playboy? Please.

4.) On a personal note, Diddy's interview makes up for my two mediocre meals at his restaurants - once in New York and the other in Atlanta. Ahaaaactually, now that I think about it, the grilled barbeque salmon I had at Justins in Atlanta was the truth.


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Men, there is a battle being waged in the wee hours of the night, every night. And, more often than not, we're on the losing side of the tussle. The adversary may be soft and sexy, but she's also sly and skillful in her effort to win the battle of the bed. Quiet moments, snoring aside, in the middle of the night can be quite contentious for those of us who share the sheets with a significant other. Waking up at 3 a.m. to find.... Click Here to Finish Reading

This isn't the first time and nor will it be the last time that Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Michael Steele humiliates himself. He's willfully good at it. He's a self-drawn caricature designed for and determined to be the butt of the joke. Think about it: if the Republican mascot is the elephant, Steele is the elephant's ass. He's the ass wagging the elephant; this is the point I’m trying to make.
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(Micro-post) Over at Black Voices, I keep running into this photo on the left and into the same recurring thought every time I see it. The photo is of Ray-Z Jay-Z at his 40th birthday party a few weeks ago, but I can't help thinking that, damn, he's doing a hell of an impression of Mr. Georgia On My Mind. All he needs is a harder gangster lean to completely set it off. And, yes, the photo on the right is actually Ray, not Jaime Foxx. I know; I can't tell none of these cats apart. One

(Micro-post) From "Georgia On My Mind" to "Sweet Home Alabama". This past Saturday, running back Mark Ingram of Alabama University became the most recent recipient of the Heisman Trophy (congrats). His suit selection gave me new hope for African American star athletes and big day attire. We've grown accustomed to the unnecessarily long suits jackets riddled with almost as many (button) holes as a bullet ridden Tony Montana in the final scene of Scarface. Ingram, on the other hand, brought a little more metro-savvy sensibility to the affair. Personally, the pin stripes are still too aggressive. See this post for more on my feelings about the Yankee stripes. And it's hard to tell by this photo, but the aforementioned pin stripes are running a crazy cross pattern with the rep tie (diagonally striped neckwear). And you have to be careful with the pocket squares - never rock a square that comes in a set with your tie, never. But you know what: young sir is only 19 so he gets a pass and thumbs from me. By the time he leaves for the NFL for a top three selection, he'll be Mr. GQ. Click Here to See Video


Roll Tape!

(Sidebar content originally posted 12.12.09) It never ceases to amaze me. I'm a big sports fan but, damn, sometimes the networks and analysts take it too far. While laying in bed watching ESPN this morning, I was beaten over the head with Heisman Trophy speculation. It was actually halfway tolerable until they unveiled the map breaking down where votes come from. Are you kidding me? A digital map like it's CNN on election night, which in itself has become a bit much. I'm not sure that the brain trust at ESPN know that the race for the Heisman Trophy is not even remotely tantamount to a presidential race. But this is what happens when men are allowed to break down sports for a living in the 21 Century on a 24 hour sports network with too much time to fill and too many toys and too much technology at their disposal.
Click Here to See Video

Roll Tape!

And see this post for another example of sports commentators taking it too far in the studio.

A few months ago, the TNT network began airing promos for a new show called Men of a Certain Age. I was intrigued, not so much by the cobbled together cast, but by what appeared to be the concept behind it. The show premiered the other night and I caught enough of it to confirm my hunch and to conclude that I should blog about it, the underlying premise that is, as the show itself was just okay. The main characters, played by Ray Ramono, Andre Braugher (pictured to the left) and Scott Bakula, are former college buddies who took varying career paths, but have all found themselves in full mid-life crisis mode. Personally, I’m not there yet and I’m hoping to take the beltway around it as I approach that time of my life. But for these guys, the middle age meltdown is in motion.

The idea of waking up from ... Click Here to Finish Reading

Continued: The idea of waking up from a long hibernation of denial and realizing things didn’t go well scares the hell out of me – and by “things” I mean my life. We know how this plays out. Too many men shrink from any remote measure of greatness only to be left with a shriveled up ego that their wives, kids and bosses use as doormats. We all know a few.

The way I see it men (and women for that matter) have three acts to their lives, much like a screenplay. The first act is birth to 29, where you discover and define yourself, or at least try. The second act is age 30 to 59 where make you make your mark, or at least try. The third act is from 60 until departure where you pass the torch and enjoy the fruits of your labor. If all goes well, all goes well. If it doesn’t, you can throw that script out the window and get busy with the re-writes or give up, which is the equivalent of shutting down production altogether. I suggest the re-rewrites. One


The Takeaways:
1. No individual has any right to come into the world and go out of it without leaving something behind. – George Washington Carver

2. Before success comes in any man’s life, he’s sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and the most logical thing to do is to quit. That’s exactly what the majority of men do. – Napoleon Hill


The Promo. Roll Tape.



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I have some thoughts on using social networks like Twitter to argue with the baby mama mother of your child. That's what I get (and what you get from me) when I start perusing the gossip blogs over the weekend. Not to fear, for even in the lascivious world of tabloids, I can unearth a nugget or two of wisdom to share.
Click Here to Read the Post @ Black Voices

Real Talk. Our culture has a certain level of ambivalence when it comes to the sight of a man crying, let alone an athlete. Those psychologically stuck in the 1970’s, even if they were born in the 80’s, think it’s a sign of “softness”. Rest of us may squirm at worse, but at best we see it as a sign of the times; the emergence of a multi-dimensional man unafraid to show vulnerabilities.

Context matters though. Terrell Owens became inconsolable at a press conference a few seasons ago in response to media criticism of Tony Romo, his then quarterback. I think it’s fair to say that the public unanimously and rightfully regarded the occasion as puzzling and profoundly embarrassing, if not disturbing. His handlers should have broken it up - "nothing to be ambivalent about here; grown man wailing and weeping for no plausible reason; keep it moving folks".

But at yesterday’s presser for his return to the Philadelphia 76ers,... Click Here to Finish & See Video
Continued: But at yesterday’s presser for his return to the Philadelphia 76ers, Hall of Famer to-be, Allen Iverson had his own moment. The levees broke and the emotions flooded; the once unsinkable ego was submersed below sea level. In this case, the levies symbolize Allen’s bravado and chutzpah that normally prop up his posture and, like many men, wall him off from any public display of emotions. The tears were ones of recognition. After years of self-centered and, sometimes, self-destructive behavior, it appears that Allen has done some self-reflecting as he prepares to write the last chapter of his NBA career. And even though he’s come full circle to end his playing days in Philly, where he started, yesterday’s presser suggests that it’s more of a 180 for Allen.

Despite being lampooned for it by a particular syndicated morning show I heard this morning, I appreciated Allen for having sharing this moment. Because Allen is a public figure, whose transgressions have largely been public, it made sense that he has this public moment. For most men, however, ours are more private. But whether in front of an audience or in front of a mirror or our family, sometimes we have to let it go. The pain and angst we harbor will crush us if we don’t find a way to get from underneath it. One

Roll Tape

This is the first of edition of my new feature, "Mason Jamal: The Q&A Sessions". After asking for them, I received a couple dozen questions from readers between last night and this morning. I want to thank everyone for taking time to help me out. I narrowed it down to four, but I promise to get to the others either online or offline sometime soon.
Click Here to See the Q&A


How long have you been blogging? I actually just started blogging this past spring. Already, my blog has been through several iterations - designs and content concepts. I'm really happy with my current direction. I like having a focus - the style, substance and sensibilities of men. Before I felt like I was floating aimlessly in terms of my subject matter. But before I started blogging, I used to do some freelancing in the 90's including a piece for Essence that I was particularly proud of. I also did a weekly talk radio show for about five years and that's where I really cut my teeth, as far as developing the personality that I think comes out in my blogging.


Do you ever delete comments? I've deleted a comment or two of my own for various reasons. But I've never deleted a comment from a reader, at least I don't think I have. But I'm sure I will one day. For the most part, I abide by the whole freedom of speech thing. However, should readers become brazenly offensive like speaking in a disparaging way about groups of people based on biases then I'd certainly do it. Being critical is one thing but broadside attacks that are littered with insults will make me hit the dump button.


Favorite television shows? 30 Rock, The Daily Show and ESPN's Pardon the Interruption. Oh, one more - that series on TV One called Unsung, where they tell the story of music artists from the 70's and 80's who were successful but careers never reached their full potential. The shows on the DeBarge family, Donny Hathaway and, yes, Shalamar...incredible. I love all the shows but those happened to be my favorites. If you get a chance to catch that DeBarge episode, it's a must see...tragic but a fascinating story.


What are your thoughts on Hines Ward and comments about Ben Roethlisberger and concussions? First, know this. I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers. I live in Cincinnati. They're in our division. Hate 'em, hate 'em, hate 'em. This year, Cincinnati took it to everyone in the division twice (Pittsburgh, Cleveland and Baltimore) so I'm cool. Break out the brooms. As far as Ward's remarks about questioning Ben's commitment to the team despite suffering from a concussion....he's an idiot. You have to wonder how many concussions he's had in order to even think that opening his mouth and saying something like that is NOT a bad idea. How could he even think it? My son is a high school linebacker. I remember asking him after a game about a particular hit where he was slow to get up. I said "what happened...were you hurt"? He said, "I don't know what happened. I blacked out." Yet, the coaches ran him back out there two plays later. I wish I had known at the time. I heard the saying that "basketball is a contact sport; football is violence". So true. At least, Ward apologized but he's still an idiot.


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After laying back on this one and waiting for the story to further unfold, I finally penned my thoughts. I mean what a shame; Tiger has it all...unimaginable wealth, mastery of his game, a beautiful white wife (damn you inner voice). All I'm saying is my man seemed happy. And then the bottom falls out leaving Tiger in a free fall to seemingly the worse week ever, while the bottom feeding media does everything in its power to aid his descent. Click Here to Read the Post @ Black Voices