Editor's Note: Check out the guest post from friend and fellow blogger, Curtis J. Baker, who I met last year in Chicago at Blogging While Brown 2009. When it comes to men, women and relationships, there is so much to consider and to comment on. I appreciate him contributing to the conversation and I look forward to future guest posts from him and others. Mason
We all are familiar with the feminine quip: "It's hard to find a good man these days". And finding a good black man is socially portrayed to be a study in cryptozoology! Nevertheless, disheartened sisters everywhere chant this slogan as if it were the gospel according to John. This hopeless hymn among women is filled with "What the Hell's, No He Did Not's, and the classic 'I Can Do This by Myself' verses. It's a one-sided peer group, where each soror can adequately contribute personal examples contrary to the topic. Click Here to Finish Reading
Continued: But, where are our heroines supporting good men by yelling it from the rooftops? Are there really no good men in America ? Or are women’s vocal cords forever silenced in the grip of the ever-present 'playa'? Ladies, good black men everywhere need to hear you!
The definition of a good black man is debatable. But what is agreed upon, among men, is there is a lofty ideal that women possess. Their ‘good man’ ideals fall either short of the ability to fly or at her father's perfect feet! For the sake of this post, a good man is simply a provider, a lover, and a friend, with all the nuances inherent to each descriptor.
There is power in the title of 'a good man'. And I believe this power is the rich source of a woman's reluctance to acknowledge him. Follow me, if you will ladies. Your fears are laid bare in the following…
- A good man creates a safe haven for his family. A woman today may fear this is a threat to her 'new womanhood'. And in advertising she has a good man, weakens the beauty society has created in her womanhood.
- A good man today allows his woman tangible, unobtrusive freedom in any endeavor she undertakes. A woman today may consider this a weak characteristic. She does not recognize the 'good man' who asks the hard questions, steps aside, and lets her face her ultimate fear…flying.
- A good man loves your family as equally as his own. A woman today may fault her man for being brutally honest with her about a sibling. Honesty is the first step in progress. Do not fear your family will gravitate towards such sensibility.
- A good man is in high demand. Yes! There is a huge demand on the market for good men! Truthfully, other women have noticed your 'good man'. And many have even told he is so! But have you? Praising your man will not make him more susceptible to being unfaithful.
I could go on and on. The above are just a few examples. But my point is simple ladies: If you have a good man, overcome your fears and TELL HIM HE IS! If you dare, venture beyond the 'I appreciate what you do' comment. In the mind of most men, this sounds like the trophy you get for just participating in a sport. FYI, we want the MVP trophy!
If you tell your man today he is a good man, do not be surprised how he lights up and how more open he becomes. I can attest that hearing these words makes me proud and validates my daily efforts.
I guarantee the fear you hold in telling your man he is good, will vanish. Sisters, you are not losing the beautiful, phenomenal power of your womanhood in such a profound act. You are proactively increasing a man's ability to love with you and securing his manhood. In today's society, a black man's manhood is seen as more suspect and insecure than ever. Ladies, let a few simple words will change your relationship and the world!
Curtis J. Baker is a colleague of Mason Jamal and author of the progress centered blog www.thejobagroup.org
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Editor's Note: Check out the guest post from friend and fellow blogger, Curtis J. Baker, who I met last year in Chicago at Blogging While Brown 2009. When it comes to men, women and relationships, there is so much to consider and to comment on. I appreciate him contributing to the conversation and I look forward to future guest posts from him and others. Mason 
I too believe women should understand what is meant by the term "good man", before they go expecting and end up disappointed when God almighty doesn't walk into their lives.
I am under the belief that if every man and woman opened the lines of communication and became more willing to work towards a common purpose, benefiting the both, then, either person can and will be viewed as "good" in the eyes of the beholder.
Substance is what matters the most, in other words.
Curtis, you've hit several nails on the head! Once, our teenager laughingly remember the dilapidated Honda his dad had when we first started dating (nearly a decade ago) and asked, "Did that make you think Dad was poor?" And I said, "No, because he had a good job but he also had an apartment plastered with your pictures, and a little boy's bedroom next to his, so it was easy to see that you were the reason he didn't have a nice car. His son was more important than a hot car-THAT'S A REAL MAN, and that's what I wanted, all along." Not enough sisters know what's really important in the fabric of a good man. You can build weatlth collectively, but you can't build integrity-it's factory-installed. Nice post! Keep pushing, Curtis!
I agree with you Curtis. If you just look at the intestinal fortitude of being a black man in America you have a good black man. I am singing the praises of Good Black Men!! They are everywhere. I think as women we have bought into misconception that these “good” black men are limited in supply in order to further focus on external factors instead of looking at our own internal forces. Most of my sisters are saying “why do I get hooked up with the same type all the time?” Answer –You’re not ready for the “good” one. As women we need to stop putting our destiny into the hype.
Singing my praises from the rooftop and being honest.
I enjoyed this post! I'm all about letting a man know I'm proud of him and thankful for the little things he does to bring a smile to my face. I'm all about empowering him and encouraging him to take chances that will lead to a better him. Our men have had their pride beaten down and stomped on for far too long.
I hate hearing Black women telling their men "I can do this & that without you!" We have to understand that Black men have seen their women and children taken, sold, raped, etc and they weren't in a position to do anything about it. It's that mentality combined with us telling them we are strong and don't need them that isn't good for them.
Seems as if a lot of us are too caught up on keeping up with the Kardashians (the new Jones') to see the good in the Black delivery truck driver. He works too hard for a living right? They want the one in the flashy car, nice clothes, jewelry, etcetera with no job. Dating a delivery truck driver is just too embarrassing right? We need to get our priorities straight and our eyes checked!
Thank you all for the support of this post. And a special thanks to Mason for allowing me space on his blog. There are several great comments here!
My immediate motivation for writing this post came from the stereotypical portrayals and expectations of black men in society. Beyond that, personal relationship factors played a role as well. Factors that were necessary for the development of the relationship with my wife and our marriage.
Glad everyone is enjoying my thoughts!
My experience with the Black woman's definition of a "Good Black Man" is the Multi-tasking man. For example, a good man needs to treat her right, but on the tail end of the spectrum, the good man also needs to have a hint of being a playa to mix things up and keep her interest?
It seems certain that the Black woman defines a "Good Black Man" as an individual who can betray himself as a role player, and change characters on demand as she sees fit or as her personality begins to thirst for the "Gangster" or "Mr. Cheat." I believe a true "Good Black Man" who is comitted to treating the Black woman righteous is immediately targeted and defined as weak or someone who can be controlled, resulting in the Black man leaving her for better or whatever.
I agree with most of what is posted and I understands everyone's point of view. To add my $1 and some change... A good man to me is all of what Mason has written but an ideal man would be (for me) a Renaissance Man. A man that can do all things and multi-task as good women always do. A man that can fill in those gaps not only physically but emotionally and mentally. Someone that has the ride or die mentality when it comes to taking care of his home. Men are quick to use the cliche' that they want a lady in the street and freak in the bed. Well, we want the same thing and wish that the freak stay in the bedroom. For the most part, I do feel that we are more a like in how we view and feel but get caught up in the differences. It's hard when a person; regardless of gender, age and race, feel like they are the only one that is unique and worth it.