I'm bothered by things the average man doesn't pay attention to. In a way, I feel it's my job to be bothered and to blog about it. This is what I do. I observe and report. With that said, I'm growing extra weary of men and their cellular sensibilities or the lack thereof. Something must be said. The respectability of millions of men is at stake. To remain silent, makes me complicit to the problem. I can't continue to have this on my conscience. So consider today's post an intervention of sorts. Men, if any of the following applies to you, take note. If it doesn't apply, take heart that you are making good decisions when it comes to your sense of technological style. On that note, there are five things that all metro-savvy men need to know about carrying a cell phone: Click Here to Read the List
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1.) Men, with any sense of self-respect, don't carry Blackberry Pearls. For those offenders, today would be a good day to stop. It's one of the un-manliest things a guy can do - right up there with going to aerobics class and getting excited about the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. Another way to look at it is men simply shouldn’t carry phones that have ever been described as cute. Ever wonder why the good folks over at Research In Motion (RIM), the makers of the Blackberry, branded it something as effeminate sounding as the “Pearl”? Think about it: they got other phones named the Blackberry "Storm" (crap device by the way) and the Blackberry "Bold" - both very strong, if not aggressive, names. And you got the nerve to pull out of your purse pants something called the Pearl. It's not your defining moment as a man. More importantly, it’s 2010. If you are going to carry a smart phone, man the f#*k up and get a full keyboard.
2) There are only three colors to choose from when it comes to a man’s cell phone: black, blacker, and blackest. Minus some chrome or metallic trim, your phone should be militantly black. It should be so black that they throw in two sides of macaroni and cheese and collard greens (with packets of hot sauce). Any other color is simply not respectable. Show me a man carrying a primary colored phone and I'll show you a man women would never throw their panties on stage for. The choice in color, even if it's sub-conscious, is indicative of how he sees himself and runs his life. This is what I'm saying.
3) Look, I know you’re trying to take extra precaution, but stop placing your phone in those hideous protective cases that look combat-ready for overseas duty. While you're at it, lose the rubbery case. It looks and feels like a phone wrapped in a heavy duty impenetrable condom. Personally, I’m all about the unprotected conversations. Get a grip you candy-asses and stop being afraid you might drop your phone. It's comparable, in tackiness, to having expensive post-contemporary furniture only to be covered in those 70’s plastic “slip covers".
4) For the love of God, stop carrying your cell phone in a holster. Unless you work in the IT Department or you want to look like you work in the IT Department, I strongly advise against it. Holsters are for guns, not cell phones. And I strongly advise that you don’t walk around in the public domain wearing a holster carrying either one.
5) And finally - cease and desist with the ringtones. If you’re a regular reader of my blog, I’m guessing you’re north of 30 years of age. No one needs to hear the newest obnoxious ringtone that a grown ass man just downloaded because he wants everyone to think he keeps up with the latest music. It’s the epitome of trying too hard.
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I'm bothered by things the average man doesn't pay attention to. In a way, I feel it's my job to be bothered and to blog about it. This is what I do. I observe and report. With that said, I'm growing extra weary of men and their cellular sensibilities or the lack thereof. Something must be said. The respectability of millions of men is at stake. To remain silent, makes me complicit to the problem. I can't continue to have this on my conscience. So consider today's post an intervention of sorts. Men, if any of the following applies to you, take note. If it doesn't apply, take heart that you are making good decisions when it comes to your sense of technological style. On that note, there are five things that all metro-savvy men need to know about carrying a cell phone: Click Here to Read the List
Death to ringtones...i so hate them, that i look at folks w/them like they are the devil...get a life, get something, but gtfo of here w/that annoying ringtone.
@Mizrepresent
Pretty strong language. But as you can read, I'm with you. Ringtones and the devil can go back to the hell they came from.
I'm "all in" on this list! I'm the proud owner of a Palm Pre black on black on chrome. The case that came with it is still in the plastic. I know a dude with a BB Pearl ... in his defense I think he likes the same thing MzRepresent likes.
- Mr.TramueL
Mason,
Haaaaaaa! Well first, I need to compose myself. As usual you have handed them their asses on a platter. I find it particularly obnoxious, when I hear this 'techno' sounding music that I can barely recognize coming from a man's person. It really speaks to the issue that you have a phone for entertainment, and not business. Maybe there ought to be a phone for the club, and a phone for the office. I personally only need one, which is Black, receives calls,allows me to make calls, and anything else will be provided by someone who feels I need more.
The phones, as you have so amply described reminds me of seeing a man with his hair braided in a ponytail on both corners of his head. He appears so,"little girlish", but that's not enough he adds barrettes.
When you don't do manly things in your events of daily living, it tends to show. Thanks again for this defining moment Mason, and to all the guys stuck between, 'Hard' and 'Manly' keep it tuned in.
Like 'Money Mike' says in Ice Cube's hilarious film; "You are a Man Damon!"or something like that.Don't let your phone prove otherwise.
GregT2U2
@ Mason regular reader here. I'm 25 going on 26. Great post. I thought you might also include
"Men do not need specialized ringtones for their girlfriends or dips"
'Men do not check other women cell phones'
And grown men do not "Have T-mobile Sidekicks or get transforming type cell phone" I had the first sidekick 1-sidekick 3 and at the point when I started seeing Paris Hilton doing commercials for it i switched to the Blackberry. Keep up the good job
BoardRoom B
Damn....totally forgot about the T-Mobile Sidekicks or any other "transforming type" cell phones. Definitely worthy of being on the list.
I'm sending this to my brothers, one who wears a holster, the other because his phone is red. I guess that's okay though, he hates collards.
Mason Jamal! Are you trying to kill me? I'm dying with laughter over here. I never thought much about the types of phones men carry, now I'm going to be looking at the phones of men around me. Oh, I remember working retail and my bosses (men) had blackberries with the back part covered in those colorful stick on rhinestone things. I always found that a bit odd.
lmaooooooo...omg its my baby fisher price pearl!!!!
Yea I dont want a dude with a matching fisher price, I can get away with it because well, I'm cute but I'd have to say to a dude man up!
@Debo Blue....that's what family is for...to help each other out in moments of need. a brother carrying a red phone definitely constitutes some sort of intervention.
@Nicole...damn not the rhinestone covered cases. I've had the good fortune of never witnessing a man make such a fool of himself therefore I didn't mention it. I thought it was just a given that men don't go there. But maybe I should addressed.
@Goddess Intellect...yeah I hate to get all gender-specific with cell phones but when it comes to the BB Pearl their should be no such thing as "his and hers"....just hers.
You are so right about the ringtones. My boss had a "Meet the Browns" ringtone. I just shook my head. He is 40.
I am an IT guy and I can't deal with holsters outside my job. Police can mistake that for a gun.
This may seem petty, but I went out ONCE with a man who had a Blackberry Pearl....nonetheless there was no second date.
Now his phone wasn't the only issue, but if you are a grown man with a blackberry pearl, you more than likely have a list of other issues...
I just saw this guest posted on AverageBro.com. I'm glad to find your spot, and will look through your other posts. I commented there, but thought I would cover the bases and post my response here, too.
I just wrote a blog piece (http://bit.ly/bpI4v4) about masculinity. While I can find a chuckle here-and-there in your piece, I think this whole thing about what defines a man is getting a little ridiculous.
You said,
"The choice in color, even if it's sub-conscious, is indicative of how he sees himself and runs his life. This is what I'm saying."
Really Mason? (edited) Come on man. Come out from that cave for some sunlight. I probably could get with you about some bright clothing on guys, but I don't think it's a masculinity issue for me. It's just a style thing. Who really cares that much about the color of a guy's mobile phone? Why should we, as men, or a women for that matter, put so much weight on things like this? I think this never-ending emphasis and pressure to "man up" only draws a smaller and smaller box around us.
Some of the things like holsters, ring tones, and bluetooth headsets are, to me, an aside from a discussion of masculinity. Those things seem to be more about general social faux pas and/or opinions of someone being a nerd. Just today I saw a line in Wired Magazine that made me howl. It said, "Bluetooth headsets are ear mullets." Now, that's funny. It was gender neutral.
What do protective cases have to do with masculinity? If I spend good money for a device, I am more likely going to buy something to protect it. I treat my photography equipment like babies.
In the end, maybe I am just not a conformist or don't bend easily to peer pressure; but I am growing increasingly weary from the incessant drum beat to "man up" -- particularly when it's boiled down to the color of a mobile phone.
Amen, Matthew d. Lyons.
Mason's one of my favorite online editorialists/bloggers, and what drew me to him was his egalitarianism in his piece on women not having to wear wedding bands if their men don't, etc.
I may have been born a human being with female parts, but I am concerned with the equality and FREEDOM of humans born with male parts, as well.
This article is about fashion. Women are often pressured in this area. This article connects a product for which a person can pay and 'fitting in' to this person's self-respect and also to eir gender. Seriously?
I wish you had brought up (and I have similar responses about this and get annoyed with women over it) the way certain products can make people seem foppish and weak. But this is just MY opinion, and forcing it on others while connecting it rhetorically to their gender and sense of worthiness is not a perceptive, kind, noble act. Where's the global view and sense of justice in this?
You're a great writer, and I enjoy your ideas and perspectives, usually.
24-yr-old woman