Mason Says

This is a serious case of b#tch@ssness that makes me publish the rare Saturday post. If your name is Steve Williams and your day job is being the caddy to Tiger Woods, which happened to net you several million dollars over the last couple years, now would be an excellent occasion to stick a nine iron in your mouth. C'mon suhn, fallback from the cameras and microphones, do your job in as much obscurity as possible and hope like hell the PGA doesn't impose salary caps on caddys, especially those who can't fully appreciate life on easy street.

So if you haven’t heard by now, earlier this week it was reported that Steve Williams told "60 Minutes New Zealand", back in his home country, that he is.... Click Here to Finish Reading

Continued: So if you haven’t heard by now, earlier this week it was reported that Steve Williams told "60 Minutes New Zealand", back in his home country, that he is “mad” at Tiger and that he knew nothing about his escapades, but if he would have known he would have “blown the whistle”. Apparently he missed the memo from those of us who actually work for a living that read “if you’re a caddy that makes six figures or more a year, you don’t get to be mad. What you get is your wits about yourself and act like you have some sense.

Here's the deal. Tiger Woods, as infallible as he may be, probably makes more annually than the total gross national product of New Zealand. What I’m saying is Tiger Woods can make the entire country of New Zealand his next cocktail waitress and smack it on its tight little ass on the way out the door. There is nothing like witnessing an entire country making the walk of shame through the hotel lobby with its heels in its hands after an all-nighter with Tiger Woods. Yep, New Zealand is plausibly Tiger's biggest and favorite groupie. Last time I checked, there isn't too much color over there.

With that in mind, what Stevie needs to do is chill out and enjoy his earnings until Tiger is ready to play again. I’m not sure what there is to do in a country in which sheep outnumber humans 9 to 1 but he should figure it out. Because running your mouth to "60 Minutes New Zealand" about your rich American boss is about as regrettable as one of Tiger's infamous stateside mistresses, with Russian roots, posing for "Playboy Chechnya". Both parties should keep their mouths shut and their clothes on.

Tiger, on the other hand, indubitably has no game and imposes no fear whatsoever when he’s not walking the greens. Consider Darth Vader for a moment. Sure, he’s fictional but there are elements of his character and story that project real life values and virtues. Somewhere along the way, Darth presumably got some hot galactic chick pregnant resulting in the birth of Luke. And who knew until Darth, himself, revealed it? What people knew was to keep Darth's name out of their mouths. Decked out in that custom tailored black armor, wrecking shop in a “in a galaxy far far away”, Darth was on some gangster sh*t and people knew better – everyone: Obe One Kenobi, CP-3-0, the Storm Troopers, Billy Dee Williams, all of 'em, his caddy too. Darth Vader wished R2-D2 would open his tin mouth and even look like he was about to say something twisted.

Look, I know I'm out there but I’m just saying that Tiger has no swagger, no fear factor. His buddies - Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan failed him badly.

More importantly, Stevie, the caddy, needs to resume driving in his designated lane, get to polishing up the clubs and swallow the whistle. By all accounts, over the years, Steve Williams has been fiercely loyal to Tiger and understandably so. Now is not the time to stop or he may find himself unemployed and herding sheep to keep busy. Now, runteldat sh*t. One